silent storm

My body starts to tremble, sweat and stiffen. Pupils dilate and dizziness overtakes. 

A response of fight or flight comes up, but instead I freeze. I just sit and stare. 

The mind knows there is no danger, yet the body is in panic mode. I feel lonely and am in need of support. 

Silently I reach out. 

Is there someone to pick me up? To hold me? Can someone make me feel safe again? 

I want to scream, but no sound comes out. I resist what is happening and an urge to control this arises. Through frustrated thoughts, I take deep breaths and try to ground feet that only want to run away.

But I can’t run. 

I stay. Paralyzed and drowning. I wait until it passes. 

My silent cry remains unheard. 

I don’t know how to voice my needs, my limits, my anger. The overwhelming storm wipes me out. I want to lie down, curl up and go to sleep. 

I felt it then and I feel it now. I try to find a calming scene, as a way out of my inner storm. 

Once light finds it way back in and the ground stabilizes, the feeling of safety returns. The process has progressed and I feel stronger. 

A small residue of insecurity and fear of the fear however always seems to stay. 

  • Silent Storm serie Iris Valentina